How can I support someone with an eating disorder?
Tips for supporting someone on a daily basis:
- Be patient and accept that change takes time.
- Be kind and recognise your loved one is having a difficult time.
- Be curious – ask questions about the eating disorder and its influence.
- Try to take some of the focus and emphasis off food and eating at meal times – making the conversation more broad and less specific on the eating disorder.
- Think together about life without the eating disorder and encourage talking about the future.
- Focus on your loved ones positive qualities and attributes and remind your loved one of these.
- Try to stay clear of comments around shape, weight or appearance – as these may be interpreted negatively.
- Be encouraging and provide positive ‘cheerleading’ statements e.g. “I know this is hard for you but you can do this.” “I am proud of you.” “I know how hard you are working.” “You have done this before and can do this again.” “This situation will get better.” “I am here to help you”.
- Comfort and hug your loved one. Show them they are cared about and loved.
- Encourage your loved one to talk to you and offer a listening, non-judgemental ear.
- Provide a safe, encouraging and understanding place for them to tackle the challenges of the eating disorder and remind them that you are right beside them to help with this.
- Ask them to guide you with what they would find most helpful and most unhelpful in certain situations.
- Try to avoid colluding with the eating disorder and ‘feeding into’ this. If you notice eating disorder behaviours then don’t be afraid to point these out and ask about these in a non-accusatory/argumentative way.
- Remember that your loved one has an identity away from the eating disorder. Try to separate your loved one from their eating disorder and provide focus on the non-eating disordered side of them.
- Encourage activities and focus away from anything food, weight and appearance related. Increase social activities and avoid isolation – trying to keep your relationships as normal as possible (as per pre-eating disorder).
- Stay positive – change and recovery is possible.
- Communicate your own thoughts and feelings but ensure any blame or accusatory tone is avoided.
- Express concerns for your loved ones general well-being.
- Learn as much as you can about eating disorders and how to support someone with an eating disorder.
- Encourage your loved one to take some responsibility for their care, decision-making and steps to recovery.
- Reinforce the love and care you have for your loved one irrespective of the achievements or what they think/feel about themselves.
- Ensure you take some time to look after yourself.
As a service we acknowledge the critical role supporters/loved ones play in an individuals journey to recovery from an eating disorder. We therefore ensure that supporters/loved ones feel supported by the service by offering:
- Resources developed for supporters/loved ones around meal support and distress tolerance.
- The offer of 1:1 sessions with a member of the team to provide support/advice/education.
- The opportunity to attend a monthly supporters group – information below.
Your loved one maybe very resistant to the idea of change and this resistance can sometimes cause difficulties. The BEAT website has a section around supporting someone which hopefully will provide support.